Wednesday, April 09, 2008
When women cry
Now before I go on and post away, I want to make it clear that I am targeting nobody specifically nor am I trying to be derogatory to anyone.
I was just in the computer lab about an hour ago (now I am in a different one) and I was just talking with my friend who is, for lack of better words, fucked. She's essentially got one of the hardest exams of an extremely difficult course in kines and judging by how much she knows, she'll most likely fail--and she knows it. Now I've been in this position before and I almost was in that position for the same course when I took it a year ago, but I studied for a week straight and nearly aced the exam. That, however, isn't the point. The point is, while she was telling me about her fear of failing, she started to cry. I know others that do this, though never in front of me, because for some reason, women never cry in front of me. I don't know why that is and I don't want any inferences on it either. The point is, I've never cried due to academic fears. Then again, with how shitty my grades are, I'd have to cry myself the Atlantic Ocean for it to have any real significance. I am just curious though. Is it a hormonal difference (imbalance?) with respect to both genders, or is it some other innate reason? Again, this isn't a judgment call on character, it is simply a question to stir up discussion. So? Any ideas?
I was just in the computer lab about an hour ago (now I am in a different one) and I was just talking with my friend who is, for lack of better words, fucked. She's essentially got one of the hardest exams of an extremely difficult course in kines and judging by how much she knows, she'll most likely fail--and she knows it. Now I've been in this position before and I almost was in that position for the same course when I took it a year ago, but I studied for a week straight and nearly aced the exam. That, however, isn't the point. The point is, while she was telling me about her fear of failing, she started to cry. I know others that do this, though never in front of me, because for some reason, women never cry in front of me. I don't know why that is and I don't want any inferences on it either. The point is, I've never cried due to academic fears. Then again, with how shitty my grades are, I'd have to cry myself the Atlantic Ocean for it to have any real significance. I am just curious though. Is it a hormonal difference (imbalance?) with respect to both genders, or is it some other innate reason? Again, this isn't a judgment call on character, it is simply a question to stir up discussion. So? Any ideas?
Comments:
I cry all the time... in the shower, in my room, in the bathtub...
Wait, you talking about CRYING...
I don't really know. The last time I cried because of academic fears was when I was in gr. 8. Either I've given up on myself or manned up... I don't really know.
Wait, you talking about CRYING...
I don't really know. The last time I cried because of academic fears was when I was in gr. 8. Either I've given up on myself or manned up... I don't really know.
Yep, hormones are a definite possibility. More than that, though, I think crying is just one of MANY ways we can express our frustration at something we're powerless against. When you feel academically fucked, you might want to: blog, kick a chair, be mean to the next person you see, hold it inside, look depressed for a long time, burst into tears, or none of the above.
Which one(s) we choose depend a great deal on our social conditioning. Maybe she was raised to believe that it was okay to cry in front of someone you trust when frustrating things happen. This type of social conditioning is currently more common for females than men.
Crying also "makes sense" because 1. it leaves no physical scars and makes no enemies 2. it's pretty satisfying and you usually can move on quickly after that 3. it triggers sympathy in case you need it.
I've psychoanalyzed myself several times over and so I have a very specific theory of why I am inclined to cry, especially in front of other people. My parents have always been completely intolerant of tears. I tend to cry a lot at home in the first place because I have to communicate in a language that I don't have a good grasp of, so it's very hard to elicit sympathy and understanding, which are really important to me, through logical arguments. So I have quite a few distant and recent memories of being frustrated to tears and then being shunned at my most vulnerable moment by people who are otherwise very loving. Of course this wonderful strategy backfired thanks to the power of reverse psychology. Because of this (minor but significant) void in my childhood, I'll spend the rest of my adult life simultaneously struggling unsuccessfully not to cry while surrounding myself with people I won't feel ashamed to cry in front of. *sob*
Which one(s) we choose depend a great deal on our social conditioning. Maybe she was raised to believe that it was okay to cry in front of someone you trust when frustrating things happen. This type of social conditioning is currently more common for females than men.
Crying also "makes sense" because 1. it leaves no physical scars and makes no enemies 2. it's pretty satisfying and you usually can move on quickly after that 3. it triggers sympathy in case you need it.
I've psychoanalyzed myself several times over and so I have a very specific theory of why I am inclined to cry, especially in front of other people. My parents have always been completely intolerant of tears. I tend to cry a lot at home in the first place because I have to communicate in a language that I don't have a good grasp of, so it's very hard to elicit sympathy and understanding, which are really important to me, through logical arguments. So I have quite a few distant and recent memories of being frustrated to tears and then being shunned at my most vulnerable moment by people who are otherwise very loving. Of course this wonderful strategy backfired thanks to the power of reverse psychology. Because of this (minor but significant) void in my childhood, I'll spend the rest of my adult life simultaneously struggling unsuccessfully not to cry while surrounding myself with people I won't feel ashamed to cry in front of. *sob*
It's both hormones and social.
Hormones, maybe make females more emotional, somewhat, maybe...
Social for sure though. Apparently middle east cultures it's okay for a guy to publicly show sorrow? Over here, big boys don't cry, so males overtly try not to. i.e., "man up", haha...
So yeah, according to psych (as it is with most things in psych now), it's both. Problem solved!
Hormones, maybe make females more emotional, somewhat, maybe...
Social for sure though. Apparently middle east cultures it's okay for a guy to publicly show sorrow? Over here, big boys don't cry, so males overtly try not to. i.e., "man up", haha...
So yeah, according to psych (as it is with most things in psych now), it's both. Problem solved!
Some very good points. A lot more precise than just saying, "women are just cry babies". I guess it must be both societal and hormonal. I'd elaborate on whatever I was to say, but it's been covered well enough already.
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