Well it's just a matter of a month or so until I am officially handed my degree and honestly, I am bored out of my fucking mind. I mean, if I had a full-time job, I am sure it wouldn't be amazing by any means, but at least I'd be doing something. Instead, I am sitting here on my computer, 7 minutes past midnight, now 8, unable to sleep and only contemplating what the hell I am to do with the rest of my life. Sure whatever I decide--whenever I decide--is purely subject to change; however, it bugs me that I feel this way. I know that I want to teach abroad, and I will. But what if I want to come back here and teach? will they still reject me because of my shitty grades? will I have to go back to school, do a year of upper division courses and hope that they'll accept me then? What if I don't want to do it that way? It's easy to say that I should have planned for this earlier, but it's not that easy at all.

A while back I alluded to how women were very indecisive by nature, but in a sense, that was somewhat fallible. I meant what I said in a general sense but the fact is, I too am just as indecisive as the next person. It bugs me that my choices are rendered limited due to shitty grades and lack of experience. I knew this would happen but I was unable to decide my stance on it. I could have deliberated more carefully; I could have cared more, but that's all in the past now. I guess the idea that I may not even get to be a teacher just bugs me. Like someone telling me that all I have worked for was meaningless and that I had little choice but to accept it. Of course, I am just griping here; it's not nearly as bad as some other people out there that have really done nothing with their lives.

Eh....stupid life.