I may not have had the greatest addictions ever. I don't know what it's like to be addicted to meth or heroin. I don't ever want to know, but I do know what addiction feels like. I used to smoke for a while. It started when I was in about 2nd/3rd year and my friend had given me a cigarette. I never really thought about the consequences as I knew I had to smoke a significant amount to really fuck my lungs up. The thing is, it was addicting. Everytime I smoked, I wanted another one. It started off small, then increased. I'd stop, then I'd go at it again. The more times I quit the easier it became to quit the next time around or so I thought.

The fact is, you can never really quit. I mean, you can stop, but never really quit unless you have the utmost of dedication.

The thing with cigarettes was that it factored in emotions. If I was tired, stressed or angry, I smoked. If I had just eaten, if I was bored or if I was just hanging out friends who smoked, I smoked. If I saw someone smoke, ooh boy, I wanted a fag in my mouth (that's right). But in all seriousness, it was bad.

So I was playing poker online for money for a month or two. I'd become really good at it, so I kept going at it and was making money. I started off with 10, doubled it, then doubled that. Soon I was at over a hundred. Then I lost it all on one hand. The thing is, I'd been in a similar position before where I had made money and lost it, but I always felt that the next time would be different. And online gaming is the worst since it's so convenient to just give your money away with the click of a few buttons.

I stopped, naturally. I had to. I played mainly because I had nothing to do since graduation. Having all the free time in the world really can take you in two directions: either really productive or the exact opposite. It wasn't about the money. I didn't care about the money that I lost, I just hated the way I felt. I was depressed and angry. I can only imagine if I hadn't quit smoking, how much more damage that would've done to me due to gambling.

The thing is, 5 years ago, I never considered myself to ever become a smoker/gambler/druggy. I smoke weed, but I am hardly a druggy. Thank goodness weed isn't addicting. Weirdly enough, it was because I had stopped smoking a few months back that allowed me to stop gambling. I realized the addiction, localized it and stopped it. I had my experiences with smoking to guide me into making that decision. I am really fucking lucky that I had done that or else I'd be in real shit right now.

So yeah, in my free time these days, I've been working out a lot more. I still play my video games as, despite the addiction, they provide more pleasure than pain.

On an aside, I am going to watch slumdog millionaire again today with a different (and MUCH MUCH smarter) group of friends. I wasn't going to do so initially since I'd already seen it, but it is what it is.

That ends this post