Ignoring the glaring--yet famous--split infinitive, I was thinking today, whilst volunteering, whether it's more important to be an idealist or a realist. I am a realist in many facets of my life; however, when in school, I always try to shoot for the stars and, perhaps, bite off more than I can chew. The fact is, I can't control everything. If I see a student struggling, I want to offer my help. If that student rejects my offer--not because he/she doesn't need help; but, because he/she doesn't want MY help--should I still care? Before today my answer would have been yes; however, right now I am a bit indifferent. I think the most that I can really do is extend my arm and offer a helping hand. If a student is vehemently reluctant, then I can't do much more. Today I was rather annoyed that a couple of students didn't want my help even though they knew I could explain the topic really well to them. They were perfectly fine with either getting lesser help from their shitty friends or not doing the work at all. Fine with me. I guess it's just part of the learning experience. The thing is, as a volunteer, I feel compelled to help constantly. When I am not needed--or worse, not wanted--I feel awkward and out of place. It sucks because I am in it for the rewarding experience and when I don't get that, I get bummed out.

This isn't a huge deal, but it was kind of bothersome today having felt that. From now on, I will just walk around and if someone needs help, I will help them. Even if I see them noticeably struggling, I don't think I'll do anything about it. On a similar note, some kids are very fucking arrogant. If you don't know something, don't pretend like you do. I can see through your shitty little facade and you're not fooling anyone. Deep down, I kind of want those kids to fail at life if they never improve their attitudes. I had to learn the hard way and so should they--fucking clowns.

That ends this post.