One thing that really bothers me about her is that every now and then she always says something to upset me. I try to let it not bother me, so I pretty much bottle it inside. She can tell when I am not overly happy; she doesn't hold back in letting me know. She knows that I shut down when I am upset--fair enough. Part of me wants to let her know upset I feel, but I am always thinking about how I feel or what to say when I act that way. It's not easy when she wants to know.

If someone were doing this to me, I'd be annoyed, no doubt. I'd demand a response or I'd just leave. She hasn't left. She's too scared to leave. I know the amount of pressure she has from her family and her parents. I know how much she cares and respects them, so that pressure isn't something that's going to go away. I never felt too pressured. It was always a bit scary, but nothing too serious.

I think this has more to do with me than it does to do with her, unfortunately.

The other day I made a comment about how she missed a step in this dance. So then she attacks me by saying, "you shouldn't talk, I've seen you dance". followed by, "let's just say you need lessons", followed by, "even my friends were saying he must be really brave to dance like that".

All because I made one light comment? that bothered me consistently throughout the night.

I told her it was mean, but doubt she took it that way. Anyways, I am strongly considering not showing up tonight. I don't even want to show up on Saturday, but then she'll bitch about it and cry to her folks. Not to mention everyone else. If it gets to that point, I'll have to break up with her. There'd be no point in continuing it if my rep is destroyed.

It's never a good idea when I get together with someone who has a habit of being left or leaving. I am the same way. I don't think I'll ever change.

Maybe I just need to be alone....